Fan Fiction : Princess Leia in "Star Wars Sex Story"

By Rob Bricken in Movies, Nerdery

When we last featured Princess Leia in FFF, she was having sex with Optimus Prime with the help of Jar Jar Binks' severed, carbonite-frozen penis for the entertainment of Jabba the Hutt. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call "the Expanded Universe." So let's take another look at Leia's adventures on Tatooine, but in-canon this time, in a story called "Star Wars Sex Story: Return of the Cum-I." Now, normally this is the part where I post the first terrifying few lines of the story, but I'd much prefer to post the introduction from author Ornery. Not a character has been changed, I swear:

Word from the Author : Because of the lack of perverted sexual fantasies from the Star Wars universe I wanted to help fill that void (no pun attended) for the people who REALLY need to seek professional help if a SCI-FI story is a sexual outlet As you can see from the file discription, I am attempting to do anything and everything imaginable, hence (etc,etc) execpt pedo(childsex) stuff. Also there are no "child" characters in this universe, unless we do a flashback to our characters as kids and the evil Darth Vader... Hey, NOT HERE! Ever notice how people seem to like evil sex stories about their favorite fictional characters? I'm sure a lot of us have seen the various Batgirl series, WonderWoman, PowerRangers(Not enough, I hate'im), StarTrek, Sailormoon and even the Smurfs (die die die) how-about "barNy the child molesting Dino"?? I guess its because we wanna see'em in a different light. As degrading as these stories are, mine is no different, I SERIOUSLY, DO NOT support Rape, Torture & death of women and children. (For men, who cares as we tend to fuck up everything else) Nothing wrong with nice rough sex with a lover as well as sensual "normal" sex of course. S&M/torture is NOT my forte, I'll do the best I can with what I know. In the following chapters, it'll get worse for our "heroes". This story is made to be gross (duh) and some people may HATE it and think I'm a sicko. Well my fellow human, I've meant three women in my life that are INTO shit like this, have told me of such fantasies and shit I consider down right fucking nasty. Hmmm... they also turned me on too... somewhat. These series have no barring to the original Star Wars stories created by George Lucas. Please thank him for making SCI-FI what it is today! This is of course an unauthorized sexual parody and so what? The characters are fictional (no shit?) and any resemblance of real people is by accident. Hey, If a Real Darth Vader came into your house, would you care about being sued?

Also these stories are inspired by a long (semi-Sex) hilarious story of Luke, R2, & the drunken master Yoda... unknown Author. And some guys on A.S.S. newsgroup whose been looking for such stories the past few months. There maybe future stories if there is demand and I'm not dead. I'll let my friends give me a response. I still don't have a PC and my only access is with a BBS that I've been going to for years. (remember those?)

Due to the severe limitations of the worlds most popular LAME Operating System, the series file names will be limited to 8 characters. What idiot thought 8 characters was enough to work with? I guess the same asshole who said "640K is plenty" and "who needs multitasking? Graphics & Audio are for Game systems". And look what we have today? A half-baked Win95 with the same problems since the 1980s! And I have 2 of these machines too, since I have to be compatible!

Oh well, THE games NOW rule on these things! SWX6-1-1.txt means StarWorsX(adult) -6 (chapter according to SW movie) -1 (First story) -1 (chapter One of *MY* story) For those who don't know; StarWars=4, Empire Strikes Back=5, Return Jedi=6. On my real computer, the file name is "DV-StarWors_1.1-M6.text".

Our first story will be 6-1-1... Why? Gee, when you were young teenager, weren't you hoping to see Princess Leia's Sex Slave outfit burst apart (I bet it did on a Blooper Reel) and used the SLOW-MO on the remote to see what you could see?? Not saying that I did of course! Well, I DIDN'T!!! REALLY!! Anyway, I RECOMMEND you stop here, grab your tape of Return of the Jedi and watch the beginning at least. I haven't watched my laser disc of Jedi in long time myself (Letterbox is the only way to enjoy movies) so I had to review it and the others to get my "facts" straight. But I got in the mood to watch all 3 back to back... so you may wanna do the same. But Jedi is most important at this time, so you can get a good look at everything and everyone, how my story fits into what's on the actual film, until I "change history" of course. Leia really LOOKS a bit embarrassed when Luke shows up in the movie. She's been a bad bad girl. So watch or BUY the Star Wars Laser discs or *GAG* VHS tapes, I DID watch'im 2+ times, all three when writing this. So if you're rusty on your SW, you'll need to review, but hey- they're always a BLAST to watch... always. Say no more...

Whether this story is from the ancient days of the internet, or the author is so fucking insane that he's still recommending watching Star Wars on Laserdisc, I do not know. I'm going to assume the former, because I don't think even ComicsNix is crazy enough to have a laserdisc player. Let us begin!

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Posted in Fan Fiction